An American Expat in Southeast Asia: China

Showing posts with label China. Show all posts

Jun 24, 2011

May You Live In Interesting Times

In his book Kingdom of Fear, Hunter Thompson recalls the ancient Chinese curse being told to him by an elderly dope fiend one rainy night in Hong Kong towards the end of the Vietnam war. Looking back it's quite possible that the historians of the future will see that the end of the Vietnam war as the the end of Pax America, what Thompson saw as the final days of the American century.

It's difficult to talk about America's decline without sounding like a defeatist - As prescient as Thompson might have been, my perspective here is different. I can't see what the late Hunter Thompson saw or for that matter what much of America sees. What I see as an American in Southeast Asia is what many here see and that is - the storm clouds gathering on the horizon and the harsh realization that what so many Americans fought and gave their lives for will soon be gone forever.

The optimism of the past looks strangely outdated today, there is a sense of malaise that is slowly giving way to the realization that America can no longer be depended on here in Southeast Asia to fight and defend those very things that our forefathers gave their lives for. No where is this more evident than in the Philippines today.

Just eighty nautical miles off the coast of Palawan in the Philippines, China is laying claim to an area called Reed Bank, part of a vast area off the coast of Palawan that's oil reserves and wells now supply 15% of all the petroleum consumed in the Philippines.

While Chinese warships threaten and fire on Philippine ships off the coast of Palawan, the United States has found themselves in a precarious situation - warned by China to stay out of the conflict, the United States is unable to do anything other than offer meaningless platitudes of support and coercing the victims of Chinese aggression to engage in a collaborative diplomatic process with their aggressor not unlike the collaborative diplomatic process that the late Czechoslovakian Prime Minister Milan Hodža was once urged to engage in with his aggressor. But this isn't 1937 it is 2011 and their will be no Roosevelt-like calls for a quarantine or anything that might possibly offend the Chinese even when an allies' sovereignty is at stake.

As reassuring as it might be, deep in his heart the Philippines President Benigno Aquino must surely know that the mutual defense treaty he holds in his hand is nothing more than a relic of the past, nothing more than a piece of paper.

May 20, 2011

Nuclear Terrorism and Pakistan

"...Emboldened, our adversaries are now wondering how the situation can be manipulated in their favor, how they can effectively play one side in America against the other while they wait patiently for America to adopt an "alternative foreign policy". We can now expect to see a "lack of motivation" in our negotiations with countries such as Iran and North Korea and a dangerous shift in momentum in countries such as Pakistan..."

It was back in 2007 that both our adversaries and our allies first learned of the alternative foreign policy the United States would be employing once Barack Hussein Obama was elected. The comments above are from a post we made back in April of that year.

It was also back in 2007 when we first commented on Pakistan's Khushab reactor where we showed the rapid construction of the third reactor there. New satellite images now show that the forth weapon's grade nuclear reactor at the Khushab site is now almost completed and Washington and the rest of the world is scratching their heads wondering where the money has come from and Pakistan is deviant in continuing this dangerous provocation.

This whole thing should of course raise more than a few eyebrows in Washington, but it hasn't. I can assure though that it has raised more than a few eyebrows in India and the rest of south and Southeast Asia where China's influence is growing at an alarming rate.

For it's cooperation in the war on terrorism, the United States has and continues to provide Pakistan with financial aid, over $20 billion so far, and despite the fact that Pakistan has repeatably betrayed us and continues to dangerously act contrary to American interests, we continue to pay. Why?

There is a reason for this. Pakistan is to South and Southeast Asia what the Palestinians are to the Middle East. The only difference, and it is a big one is that Pakistan is a nuclear power. Instead of throwing rocks, the Pakistanis threaten India and the region - constantly reminding the world of the consequences should we not heed to their demands. Quite simply it is nothing more than nuclear extortion. It is this game of nuclear blackmail that both North Korea and Pakistan have perfected and one that Iran is desperately eager to learn.

Pakistan's harboring of Osama Bin Laden should have been sufficient enough proof of Pakistan's double game and that my fellow Americans many of which are acutely aware of our nation's own financial constraints would finally come to their senses and demand that not one more American tax dollar is sent to that hell hole.

Anyone who honestly thinks that Pakistan was not aware that Osama Bin Laden was living in a large compound adjacent to one of Pakistan's top military academies has a screw loose and that includes Defense Secretary Robert Gates who apparently gets his intelligence from his trusted Pakistani government sources while he reclines by the pool at the Hilton hotel. If getting betrayed wasn't enough to wake Robert Gates from his pool-side slumber then perhaps discovering that he has been two-timed as well will.

Seemingly our nation's policy of appeasement dictates that we parade around on the world stage with a giant turd poised on our head as well. Obama's foreign policy is not winning us friends nor is it garnering us any respect. We are simply being laughed at.

Believe me when I say that giving Pakistan US67,500 for the restoration of the Mid‐18th‐Century Sunehri Masjid (Golden Mosque) in Lahor is not the way to promote America or American values.

Why is the continuation of financial aid for Pakistan even a subject of debate?

We went to war with Afghanistan because they wouldn't hand him over and now we give our treasure to a nation that harbored him.

Nov 24, 2007

Clinton's Real Legacy Abroad

"Whereas the truth is that the State in which the rulers are most reluctant to govern is always the best and most quietly governed, and the State in which they are most eager, the worst..." ~ The Republic - Plato

At the height of Bill Clinton's tribulations in the late 90's, I was sitting with a small group of Asian and Chinese businessmen in Singapore who were mendaciously gloating over how much they adored America's president and how he will be remembered as one of America's greatest leaders. For American businessmen like myself, who were living and working in Asia at the time, the incessant ribbing had become pretty much commonplace. For the most part, the average Asian on the street couldn't have cared less about Bill Clinton, his domestic problems didn't affect Asia and his relentless pursuit to make a virtue out of hedonism and self-indulgence would thankfully spare most of Asia and remain stateside.

For the Asians and the Chinese, who's sociopolitical beliefs are founded in Confucianism, there is the profound expectation of virtuous and morally exemplary leadership in their elected leaders. In the eyes of the Asians, America's President Bill Clinton was a man completely devoid of the essential attributes of a leader. Clinton's arrogance, immorality, lack of humility and unbridled narcissism would come to epitomise to all Asians the absolute worst characteristics of leadership.

There are a few reasons why this is of importance now, the first being that there seems to be a misconception today on the part of many Americans as to whether or not Clinton was "liked" overseas. Was he liked? Sure he was, he was liked in the same way that Americans like Paris Hilton. The Asian and Chinese leadership on the other hand liked Clinton, but only because they found him to be malleable due to his obvious character flaws. In desperation, Clinton would "reach out" and allow himself to be manipulated foolishly thinking that he was winning or in the alternative that his benevolence would be interpreted as friendship, all the while Clinton never seemed to grasp that simple truism that nation's themselves don't have friends. They have interests.

Interestingly enough, according to an interview last month in the Guardian, if Hillary Clinton wins the US presidency, Bill Clinton claims that he will be given the job of repairing America's damaged international reputation. In the Guardian interview Mr Clinton, 61, reveals that his wife has said she would ask him to "go out and immediately restore America's standing, go out and tell people America was open for business and cooperation again" after eight years marked by unilateralist policies that have "enraged the world".

From the tone of the interview and what we have seen so far from Hillary Clinton, it would seem that the Clintonian solution to challenges in foreign diplomacy would be to do whatever we can to "please the world". For the Clinton's it's quite obvious that America's "unilateralist policies" ie. leadership has "enraged the world". "Pleasing the world" according to the Clinton's wishes would entail placing our nation's interest and security in the hands of a multilateral organization such as the United Nations which of course is what our nation's enemies would like as well. A multilateral organization that can serve as a counterbalance to effectively stymy American resolve and hegemony. The mere suggestion of which in a post 9/11 world is not only naive, but dangerously foolish.

So what can we do to please everyone? The answer is nothing. Regardless of what we do, we are never going to please everyone. There is always going to be someone somewhere who will be enraged at the decisions our country makes. We can do as the Clinton's suggest and somehow willingly cede our position and power to a multilateral organization in the hopes that maybe we will be liked once again or we can stand firm and resolute in moral self-righteousness recognizing the fact that it is America not the United Nations that has always and continues to serve as a beacon of hope for all of those who continue to seek freedom and liberty around the world.

For as much as the Clinton's gave to China, it's a shame they never got anything in return. They might have learned something.

"He who exercises government by means of his virtue may be compared to the north polar star, which keeps its place and all the stars turn towards it." - Confucius

Jul 16, 2007

Looks Like Meat's Back on the Menu Boys!

The Chinese collective economic ingenuity once again trumps capitalistic Yankee imperialism without having to needlessly waste the people's agricultural resources. With over two billion rats on the loose, chalk one down for the perspicaciousness of China's cunning industrialists who will now be able to export a delicious tasty meat product comprised of pure protein with no added cellulose! Totally organic and environmentally friendly, rat meat is not only good, but it's good for you!

In taste tests, wholesome rat meat processed with just a few innocuous industrial additives and synthetic chicken flavouring is almost indistinguishable from processed chicken meat.

Export and Trade enquiries welcome.

Jun 4, 2007

The Chinese Foot Fetish

When refering to the Chinese, P. J. O'Rourke once said that "no one can possibly know what dark and grotesque things pass through the minds of this hydra-headed racial anomaly which is, after all, more like a monstrous colony of flesh-crazed carpenter ants than a nation of rational men."

Having spend almost my entire adult life in Asia, I feel I've pretty much come to the point where I can pretty much understand the Chinese mentality, their peculiar political philosophy, their dangerous penchant for gambling and opiates as well as the collective masturbatory fantasies many young Chinese males seem to have for that coke-burned out, boney-assed, self-obsessed, dirty little American succubus named Paris Hilton.

The one thing though that I have yet to be able to comprehend is the bizarre fascination that the Chinese seem to have with feet. The inhuman and grotesque Chinese practice of foot binding seems to have given way in recent years to another "foot fetish" euphemistically known as the art of Chinese foot massage or "foot reflexology".

Visit to Bukit Bintang street in downtown Kuala Lumpur and you will find almost the entire street full of these foot massage shops complete with touts outside accosting the unsuspecting tourist as they walk by. It all seems so innocent, but as John Travolta's character clearly pointed out in the movie "Pulp Fiction" was that, while a foot massage may look innocent, there's really a lot more going on there and "That's what's so cool about it."

Unlike the Japanese who seem to derive their sexual pleasure from pulsating electronic "Hello Kitty" gadgets and the sniffing of highschool girl's undergarments, many of the Chinese as I was about to learn derive their pleasure from nothing more than the human foot.

Against my better judgement and for RM30 (about US8.75) I decided to give one of the more elaborate places a try. I was led in behind a curtain to the back room where I was told to sit and wait for an available masseuse. While I waited, an old Chinese lady came in and gave me a cup of reverse osmosis Oolong tea to sip while she washed my feet in a warm basin of water. After cleaning my feet she grinned and gave a pair of "biomagnetic slippers" to wear while I waited. The slippers had what appeared to be metal pellets in the soles and seemed reminicent of something you might see in a turn of the century Sears and Roebuck catalog. As I put the slippers on I began to realize that things were going to get really weird.

A few minutes later the masseuse would arrive an older Chinese woman equipped with what appeared to be some sort of stone implement that she would use to pummel the soles of my feet with for the next thirty minutes. The thought that she could possibly be deriving some perverted sexual pleasure by molesting my feet made it very difficult to relax. My protests were met with her incomprehensible mubbling about the health benefits of the "foot massage" and as I squirmed in agony from the pummeling she gave me a toothless satiated grin.

It's all over now and I'm not sure how I feel. I suppose I do have a bit of spring in my step and feel a bit more relaxed, but I fear the psychological scars might remain for life. It's not exactly my cup of tea, but if you are one who can relax and block in from your mind that you might be helping an older Chinese lady to "get off" then I suppose I could recommend it for the ummm... health benefits.

May 25, 2007

The Asian Secret to Longevity

While many of here in Asia were content to leave the rest of the world thinking that eating a diet of raw fish was the Asian secret to longevity, the guys at Asiapundit had to go an spill the beans.

Forget the raw fish, green tea and Ginkgo nuts and while you are at it, you can ditch that old copy of Time Magazine, as well. The real secret is now out!

The Asian secret to longevity is looking at photos of hot Asian and Latin women.

"Huang Chunyi, a 94-year-old from China's Taiwan Province, says looking at photos of beautiful women every day is the secret to his longevity..." Some of Huang Chuny's favorites are Cameron Diaz, Penélope Cruz and Taiwan model Chiling Lin. The original China Daily story here.

You might be familar with Cameron Diaz and Penélope Cruz well here is a photo of Chiling Lin.

You realize of course that this post was going to be useless without photos. Enjoy!
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May 21, 2007

Chinese Beer Roulette

Mr. Wang, an older Chinese gentleman with one eye runs a convenience store just around the corner from where I work. I'm not sure what the name of the place is, I've never really noticed a signboard outside his shop and so I simply refer to the place as "One-Eyed Wangs".

The other night on the way back from work I stopped into "One-Eyed Wangs" for a pack of cigarettes, some peanuts and something cold to drink. I walked by the rows of salted eggs and dried fungus and other weird stuff until I finally found a pack of Shandong peanuts in the back. As I headed for the counter, I noticed that Mr. Wang had installed a new glass-doored refrigerator near the cash register and it was stocked full with all sorts of Chinese beer. I opened the door and picked up a can of "Pearl River beer" and read the label, RM3.80 (US1.12). Normally a can of Tiger or Anchor beer cost around RM6.00 (US1.76) . I've never tried Pearl River beer before, but it was cheap and so I figured why not give it a try. I grabbed three cans of beer and then headed home.

The beer wasn't half bad, but halfway through watching a movie on television I felt plastered after drinking only two cans of beer. I went to the kitchen and read the label on the can more closely "Alcohol content +/- 7%".

A few days later I went back to "One-Eyed Wangs" and told Mr. Wang about the beer. Mr. Wang is your typical Chinese businessman, shifty eyed with a dangerous penchant for alcohol and gambling and so he feigned surprise and told me I must have got a "lucky can". I bought another three cans and headed home that night.

I went back that night and sat down to watch a movie and popped open a cold can of Pearl River beer and drank it down. Hrmm... strange I drank all three cans and felt nothing. It was like I was drinking water. Unbeknownst to me at the time, my Pearl River nightmare was about to begin.

Around twenty minutes later after going to sleep I started to get an excruciating pain in my lower abdomen that felt like broken glass chips were slicing up the inside of my gut. Nothing seemed to help alleviate my pain and after an hour or so I finally sat on the toilet and managed to explosively relieve myself but the pain didn't subside. I ended up staying on the toilet crying in pain half the night before I somehow collapsed from exhaustion. It would be another full day before I had normal bowel movements again.

The went back to "One-Eyed Wangs" the day after that and told Mr. Wang about the beer. Mr. Wang shrugged and then said "This time you got unlucky can!". I grabbed a Snickers bar and a Coke and then headed home.

May 11, 2006

Hu is watching Yu

"In the ramifications of party doctrine she had not the faintest interest. Whenever he began to talk of the principles of Ingsoc, doublethink, the mutability of the past, and the denial of objective reality, and to use Newspeak words, she became bored and confused and said that she never paid any attention to that kind of thing. One knew that it was all rubbish, so why let oneself be worried by it? She knew when to cheer and when to boo, and that was all one needed."

George Orwell: 1984 ~ Part 2 - Chapter 5

All in the interest of "Letting the Winds of a Civilized Internet Blow", it could be said that perhaps the Chinese in China and Singapore must really enjoy getting it up the yingyang considering that the majority would not resist their government's efforts inducing them to spy on each other.

While this might be something we have come to expect from China where one might have to forfeit a kidney for listening to the wrong radio station, it is something that many of us thought Singapore was starting to rise above. In Singapore you get to keep your kidney and just forfeit your wallet instead.

The leadership of Singapore like to refer to their form of government by using the the euphemism "asian-style democracy". However, the idea of a government restricting freedom of speech and inducing or promoting it's citizens to spy on each other is not representative of a free democratic society respectful of human rights, rather it is the staple of an authoritative and at times totalitarian regime who is unwilling to embrace the principles of freedom or liberty.

Having failed to make the transition to a free democracy, the nation-state of Singapore it would seem has become nothing more than the epitome of the Kafkaesque nightmare.

And so as Hu watches Yu and Singapore continues to clamp down on freedom, we're left to ask ourselves whatever happened to "letting one thousand flowers bloom"?

May 5, 2006

The Bishop's Nose

Yesterday was a long day for me. I finished my work quite late and decided to go pick up a pirated DVD copy of "Flight 93" and then on the way back stopped by the KFC outlet.

I don't really visit KFC here that often, but when I do it is always the same order. Three pieces of chicken (all breasts). The girl behind the counter looked at me for a moment, smiled and then picked out three pieces of breast meat and plonked them in the box. The whole thing got me thinking.

You see, Asians for the most part and the Chinese in particular can't stand the white meat of a chicken and they are always too happy to see some "guailo" come in and order the white meat. Unlike the West where if you ordered "all white meat" you would end up paying extra, here you get it with no extra charge. I suppose if you wanted you could go in and order a twentyone piece KFC big barrel o' breasts with no extra charge.

If it was just thighs and legs that the Chinese prefered I could readily understand that. Over the years though, what I have never been able to comprehend however is the Chinese affinity for eating "chicken ass".

In Malaysia and Singapore "chicken ass" goes by the polite euphemism "Bishop's Nose", and many of the locals go absolutely gaga over it.

When McDonald's first introduced their new sandwich over here in Asia last year they advertised it as containing "100% white chicken meat patties" and since then they have quietly dropped the 100% white chicken part.

Has not happened yet, but I'm still waiting for KFC to introduce the "Bucket o' Ass" here in Asia and McDonald's to introduce a new chicken sandwich made with 100% chicken ass. I think they might end up being big sellers.

Sep 21, 2005

China 'Honors' Ex-President Clinton

The Guangzhou Rubber Group has decided to market condoms under the brand name 'Clinton' and 'Lewinsky', the story is here.

In a surreptitiously mendacious statement the company through it's spokeman stated :

"The company had chosen to use the Clinton name because consumers viewed the former president as a responsible person, who would want to stress safe sex as an effective way to prevent the spread of the HIV virus."

While much of America will be content to simply shrug and laugh this off, there is something here that really requires introspection and reflection on the part of the American people. This is not only President Clinton's legacy, the 42nd President of the United States, it is America's legacy. Something that affects and continues to affect us all in a negative manner.

Bill Clinton is not someone seen as a responsible man by the Asian people. He is an icon that represents the worst of America, a perverted, self-indulgent, shameless caricature of a man completely devoid of any dignity and self-respect.

That the Chinese would have the audacity to name a brand of condom after a US President should be indicative of just how much respect the Chinese have for the United States. That we as a nation would not take offense at this is indicative of how little respect we have for ourselves.

Jun 9, 2005

Yin and Yang

While much of America and the West seem to be focused and pre-occupied with the ongoing war in Afghanistan and Iraq they tend to overlook the fact that the overall war is ongoing on numerous other fronts. A neverending war of ideologies that has no fanfare and no exit strategies.

This is the clandestine war, a war cloaked in secrecy that America for the most part has no stomach to partake in. There are no rules of warfare here and neither are there any shortcuts. It is a situation where either you win or you lose and to win requires not only a willingness to get your own hands dirty, but a lifetime commitment on the part of the combatants.

Whatever one may think, we will never win this war by proxy. No one and surely not the nationals of another sovereign nation are willing to fight your battles for you. Everyone in this game has their own agenda and their own objectives. Evaluate what you have, always develop your own assets and never ever allow yourself to be in a position where you are forced to rely on the assets and the intelligence of others. These are important lessons that China has held dear and lessons that America has yet to see the importance nor the value of.

America has paid little attention to Southeast Asia in recent years. Finding themselves having to play catch-up, the strategy has been to recruit assets rather than develop our own. The results have been disastrous. "Our friends" in the region whom we naively thought shared our mutual interests, don't. Reports alleged to be classified from both the CFR and the RAND Corporation concerning potential terrorist activities and interests concerning America and China have found themselves into the hands of JI and Chinese intelligence operating withing the region sometimes only hours after they are officially released. A few of the reports have been then photocopied and then distributed to other members in Indonesia and the region. It is not just our intelligence on China's military buildup that we have missed, but China's intelligence activities as well. The harsh reality that America needs to face up to is that it is not just "our friends" who have betrayed us, but our own family members as well.

Southeast Asia is of vital strategic interest to China and considered to be an issue of Chinese national security. Not only does fifty percent of the world's piracy occur in the Straits of Malacca, but over fifty percent of China's oil now moves through the Straits of Malacca as well. Phillips Channel is the narrowest point in the Straits of Malacca, at only one and a half miles wide, this represents not only a "strategic chokepoint" but China's Achilles heel. A hijacked vessel being highjacked and either grounded, sunk or detonated here would be catastrophic.

In Summer of 1994 was when the first plans were drawn up for a major terrorist attack against Western interests in the Straits of Malacca. The plan was to highjack an oil tanker in the Straits of Malacca and ground it in Phillips Channel to be followed by a collision with another hijacked vessel. The planned attack was meant to be in response to the jailing of Sheikh Omar Abdel Rahman. The planned attack never took place.

If such an attack ever took place, it would be a failure of China's intelligence agency and as such, China has taken steps in an attempt to ensure that it never does happen.

If it is still too difficult to see, then simply ask yourself one question. Would America trust China to protect the sea lanes through which fifty percent of our nation's oil supply flowed?

May 11, 2005

Diamonds are Forever

The smell of rokok kretek was thick in the air as we stepped into the lobby of the Dusit Mangga Dua Hotel in Jakarta that morning. I sat down with Dr. Z. on the sofas on the far right side of the lobby in the corner as we waited for his contact and the others to arrive in from Bogor. The waitress came over to take our orders. Dr. Z had a coffee and for me, kopi o tampa gula (black coffee without sugar) You could always order kurang manis (less sweet) if you wanted, but it really makes no difference. Unless you are interested in dropping dead from diabetic shock, you'll know better than to order a regular coffee in Indonesia. They like their coffee very sweet with an inch of condensed milk in the bottom of the cup. It would be a half hour still before Dr. Z's contacts arrived in from Bogor.

After a few cups of coffee and some cigarettes, Dr. Z's contact, a Chinese Indonesian, Mr. Wong from Bandung arrived in with two of his Indonesian associates from Bogor. We all shook hands and sat down. Mr. Wong apologized for being late as he had to stop by Citibank on the way over and as usual, the traffic was bad. Mr. Wong then proceeded to make a telephone call and a Chinese man who had been sitting in the lobby at a table nearby suddenly got up and walked over. "This is Mr. Ling from Hong Kong". Once again we all stood to shake hands and then sat back down again.

Mr. Wong then asked one of this bodyguards for a black satchel they were holding and took out an envelope containing US100 dollar notes explaining that he had to change rupiah at the bank and wanted to make sure the rupiah notes were good. Mr. Ling then took out an envelope and opened it up and took out three diamonds that were individually sealed in little plastic squares. Dr. Z, Mr. Wong and one of the Indonesians picked up the diamonds to look at them with everyone nodding their heads in approval. Mr. Wong then handed the envelope containing US10,000 to Dr. Z and the satchel to the Indonesians. Mr. Ling then handed the rest of the envelope to containing diamonds to Mr. Wong. The Indonesians then stood up, shook everyone's hands and then left with two bodyguards. The deal was completed. By now it was lunchtime and Mr. Wong then suggested that since the Indonesians were now gone we could go for lunch and have a few beers.

To circumvent efforts to cut off their financing, groups such as Al Qaeda and Jemaah Islamiyah have now resorted to the trade of diamonds and other commodities to finance their operations. I would find out later from Dr. Z that the envelope from Mr. Ling contained over half a million dollars in diamonds. That is quite a large amount of money to fit is small brown envelope and easy to transfer and trade.

I am of the opinion, that our efforts to cut off financing to terrorist related organizations and their supporters is nothing more than an exercise in futility. Terrorists and their supporters have learned and will continue to learn how to adapt to each and every reactive approach that we take. Thinking that we can control the flow of money, and now commodities worldwide is like sticking our finger in the dike hoping to stop the flood. In the long run, we end up hurting ourselves and those attepting to do legitimate business more than we affect the terrorists.

Not only is a completely different non-financial approach needed, but our efforts in this new unexploited area need to be proactive rather than reactive. There is a better way and if you ask me, it begins with a nice hot bowl of chile con carne. ;-)

Apr 21, 2005

Cheese Tycoons Meet the Chinese Counterfeiters

A while back I picked up one of those business tycoon type computer games. You know the type Im sure. You start with a modest amount of capital and open a pizza shop and try to build a better pizza while you play against computer opponents who are doing the same thing.

The game claims to be realistic. You develop you own pizza recipes, design and open your own shops, hire your own employees, pay for advertising and such all in the hopes of building a better pizza than your competitors. And thus, building your own virtual pizza empire.

Not only inspiring, but the thought of it all is downright noble once you think about it. I mean, who wouldn't aspire to create or develop a better product or service and become a successful businessman or entrepreneur.

Sadly and yet inevitably about thirty minutes into the game, once discovering the virtual stock market feature you find out that there is no nobility in actually employing your serfs to make a better pizza, no such thing as healthy competition and and surely nothing but a waste of time in dealing with those pesky customers.

And so here I am thirty minutes into the game and I no longer need to make pizzas anymore. If some fool company comes in and decides to make a better pizza you simply use your financial muscle to buy them out or buy enough shares in them to made them do your bidding. With all the millions I make I dump it into advertising and brainwash the little sims into loving my now substandard pizzas. Ah the life of a business tycoon. Too bad the game didn't have corporate jets, caviar and champagne.

And so, is it a realistic simulation? Well, if it was anymore realistic you might find that you can pretty much outsource most of your business. Customer service, distribution, sales. Damn near everything can be outsourced. It makes no difference if customers complain or your product or service suffers or becomes substandard because of your indifference. You are the only game in town.

Today as I waited in vain for a returned call from Kraft Singapore in the hopes of getting my Velveeta cheese, While I was waiting, I decided to call Kraft Foods Malaysia once again. I managed to speak to a Mr. Lai who did his best to console me and help me to understand the harsh realities of big business and how things at Kraft Foods around the globe operate.

The end result was that Mr. Lai couldn't help much. The best he could do would be to put me in touch with another company that actually did the import, distribution and sales of their products, but that wouldn't help either because Velveeta was not listed on the local portfolio of items they sold here. It was not listed on the portfolio because Kraft had decided long ago that there is no market here for Velveeta.

This is where I got a bit confused.

I explained to Mr. Lai that I have been purchasing Velveeta for the last several years with no problems at all except that I found it a bit expensive. Mr. Lai replied and told me that this was what they called "parallel imports". The reason it is expensive is because the rogue importers and retailers of the product sell Velveeta as a niche market item. The price, well it's never stable. Kraft Foods has absolutely no control over the ultimate price. It fluctuates based on supply and demand. The price eventually settles on whatever the consumer is willing to pay. In fact, at the end of the day Kraft Foods can't even tell you how many importers bring it in or how much is sold. Sad is it not?

To make matters worse, eventually the consumer demand and price instablity leads to counterfeiting. It's not just Nike shoes or Louis Vuitton handbags anymore. Any item can be pirated from Marlboro cigarettes and Pringles potato chips to Jack Daniels whiskey. Both Marlboro cigarettes and Pringles potato chips are two hot items for piracy right now. To the point where the consumer never knows whether he is purchasing the original item or not.

Who suffers? Naturally the consumer does. The lawyers seem to win though.

The company will always claim they lost sales, but the truth is that they didn't. It was because they didn't make sales that someone else had to come in and do it for them - the pirates. It's actually kind of ridiculous to claim that you lost sales when you weren't in the market in the first place.

And who's to blame? Well it is really hard to say. In many respects, it is the indifference to their own business and lack of attention on the part of the manufacturer that leads to the situation. So shouldn't the manufacturer accept part of the blame? I mean if you leave your wallet on the car seat and your car unlocked and someone comes by and steals both, you have only yourself to blame. Right?

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