Jun 10, 2005

"No Cheese For You!" or "Care For Thum Theeze Whiz?"

The call came just last week from Jonathan Atwood, Director, Corporate Affairs for Kraft Asia Pacific. There will no cheese for you. I'm left a bit dumbfounded I suppose. I was buoyed by the assurances of Mr. Atwood that he would "carry the ball all the way" and now it would seem that my quest for Velveeta has come to a bitter end.

The reason given was that Kraft had determined that there was no market for Velveeta cheese in Southeast Asia and that basically there was nothing he could do about it. I found that a bit strange considering the fact that in Kraft Foods Inc. Reports First Quarter 2005 stated that "Southeast Asia revenues increased due to strong growth in Tang and Cheez Whiz in the Philippines". Surely one would think that if there is a market over here for "pasteurized process cheese sauce" then there must be a market for a "pasteurized process cheese spread".

I suppose what has hurt the most is that while Kraft has refused to pander to my penchant for processed cheese so that I might promote their product and help to spread love, peace and American hegemony, one plate of gooey, cheesy nachos at a time, they have chosen to pander to others who's only devious, selfish desire is promote homosexuality. In an era of globalization, who will think of the world's children facing malnutrition who will never know the pleasures of processed cheese and what will Kraft do with the money that Bill Gates has pledged to them?

And so now I sit here abandoned, surrounded by my unopened cans of Rotel at the mercy of an omnipotent oligopoly left only to philosophically ponder the pernicious politics of processed cheese.

For those of you who might have missed it, I have arranged below in chronological order the previous posts concerning my quest for Velveeta.

My Kingdom for Velveeta Cheese

"Roger and Me" or "How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love The Brie"

Cheese Tycoons Meet the Chinese Counterfeiters

He Who Controls the Cheese Controls The Universe

Cheese on the Water or "Sorry, But It's Nacho Cheese"

and the last...

Nightmares of the Texan Turophile

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